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Raindrops pelted the glass, tapping, asking for attention towards the rolling, gray skies. Fog engulfed the small town that day; the sun reflected off the fallen water, illuminating a warm, newly refreshed world. White paint washes off of wood, old coverings are removed, and new surfaces are exposed. Sometimes, reminisce of the old remains with the new, as you remain with me. Who are we to pledge love then, after it has absorbed and fused to the body, rip it away, tearing the very fabric of one's being,   leaving a gash so tender and open, it takes months, even years to heal? Who are we to pride our decisions after devastating the happiness

Sometimes I'd like to cry and sleep all day. Give a piece of myself away to everyone I meet, to make myself feel lighter; because I've got the weight of the world in my head. I've got a headache that's left me writhing in pain, but so have you. Have you been happier without me? Well, you wouldn't say happier. I would give anything to feel as little as you do for me. I feel sorry for anyone that will love me after you. There are more fault lines in my soul than I can count, maybe that's why I run back to you. You filled them better than anyone I know. He's trying now harder than ever. I think he's grown up a little bit maybe. Or

The curtains on my theatre are never down; and I see it in my mind. The dreams are coming faster now, faster all the time. I smile and sit and wander, and I breathe in the shining lives. I feel the people glisten, and I taste their sickly knives. The shards rain fast and ruthless, and they trick me with their light. It trickles down my willing throat; with the day becoming night. I need the words to conquer me. And I feel so free yet alone; and to fly away is all well and good, when your wings can take you home.

I'd be happy with drowning myself in the ocean- The waves would rescue me from my skin and bones; surround my body and tempt me further. With a smile on my face as the biting water bends to my skin, wrapping around me like I’m the best lover to ever walk in. Far enough to go under and feel the safety; it’s swirling blue and a haven I’ve never been. There’s no place for someone like me, not in this world, no in this lifetime. One deep breath, to let it all rush into me; breathing in the one place that will always welcome me with open arms. Allowing it to fill my lungs as it whispers, "come with me, be one with me

You know, I can’t help but listen to that song a thousand different times on these nights when I go without sleep cause I’m still haunted by your face every time I rest my head. My eyes see the blackness, and it’s like they are afraid, so they go running straight to you, straight to the beautiful views of your face. Your soft, dark brown hair. Your penetrating, light brown eyes. And the smile that healed me so many times. And I hate it, but I can’t help it. I still remember you so vividly; from the second I first noticed you, to the last time I heard you say “I love you”. I let go of you and e

I wonder if you knew, that the entire time you spoke with that beautiful tone of voice, that you were ripping me apart inside. Limb from limb, internally. Intestines all over the floor. And there you go, out the door once more. Spare me your breath, I’ve heard this all before. But you had me, just like you always knew you did. I wanted it to be different, different than all of this. But this is you, this is everything you do. Do you enjoy it? Watching me fall to my knees every time you do this to me. Was it necessary? To make sure my face was in the dirt. To make sure there was nothing left inside me. I’m sorry

You came back yesterday. And I'm not excited like I thought I would be. To be honest, I don't remember much of you anymore. I don't remember much of who I was when we dated. I hardly remember what you look like. I hardly remember how you made me feel. I've changed since you. It's been four months since you left me in the dark, and I don't think you'd believe how much progress I've made. I have people I trust now. And I can breathe now. And I don't cry. But I laugh. And I don’t need you, under any circumstances. I have her and her and him and him. I'm not sad about anything anymore. And your drama no longer exists in my l

I have this new thing I do. When I'm missing you. I go outside at night. And I smoke too many cigarettes. And I listen to too much music. And I think. I think about us. And about how, although you smoke over half a pack a day, you always smell so good. And about how, even if we are sitting across the room, not even communicating, our eyes always seem to meet. And about how we stayed up that one night, talking for hours. And about how we stayed up that other night, sharing each other's lips. And about how we stayed up that last night, before I left for the weekend, and how we hated to leave. You've got me whipped. And th

Except for the glimpses of your ghost that make me aware you are alive, and the flashbacks of your memory in my mind. You were my biggest disappointment. Not because our relationship came to an end, and not because you hurt me. No, none of the obvious things are why this was so painful. The reasons and explanations go so much deeper. Into depths of places I wanted to show you, places I could not bring myself to drag you to as if it might suffocate you, make you unable to breath, as it did to me. I couldn’t protect you from myself, from the demons that lurk in me, from the monsters in the crevices of my bones. I tried, I tr

I could rip my lungs right out of my chest with the intensity I miss them. Pull my intestines out inch by inch and put them in circles around me. And lastly, place my heart in the center, as an offering to those miles away. As if to say - I have no way to breathe without you, As if to say - I have to guts without you. As if to say - I am heartless without you. It’s an offering they say, that expresses what you really feel. A sacrifice that cannot be undone, a gracious one. I would kill myself without a you to come home to.